顯示具有 內在安全感 標籤的文章。 顯示所有文章
顯示具有 內在安全感 標籤的文章。 顯示所有文章

22 habits of happy people...快樂人的習慣

 22 habits of happy people...快樂人的習慣

Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a homeless person could be right outside, smiling and content with their life. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.

The question is: how do they do that?

It's quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that they:

 1.  Don't hold grudges.

Happy people understand that its better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you'll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life. 

2.  Treat everyone with kindness.

Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3.  See problems as challenges.

The word problem is never part of a happy person's vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4.  Express gratitude for what they already have.

There's a popular saying that goes something like this: The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don't have.

5.  Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don't. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

 6.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

Happy people ask themselves, Will this problem matter a year from now? They understand that lives too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

 7.  Speak well of others.

Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8.  Never make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin once said, He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. Happy people don't make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9.  Get absorbed into the present.

Happy people don't dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savour the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they're doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses. 

10.  Wake up at the same time every morning.

Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and cantered state.

11.  Avoid social comparison.

Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you're better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You'll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12.  Choose friends wisely.

Misery loves company. That's why its important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself. 

13.  Never seek approval from others.

Happy people don't care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting nay Sayers discourage them. They understand that its impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone's approval but your own. 

14.  Take the time to listen.

Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others' wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel. 

15.  Nurture social relationships.

A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other. 

16.  Meditate.

Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don't have to be a Zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17.  Eat well.

Junk food makes you sluggish, and it's difficult to be happy when you're in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body's ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape. 

18.  Exercise.

Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment. 

19.  Live minimally.

Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

 20.  Tell the truth.

Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

 21.  Establish personal control.

Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don't let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one's own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

 22.  Accept what cannot be changed.

Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you'll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

--
"Doing the right things; doing the things right."

人生該學習做三件事

 人生該學習做三件事

學會做三件事 
人一輩子有"三天 ",即昨天、今天、明天。昨天與今天之間有扇後門,今天與明天之間有扇前門。

"三天" "今天 "最重要。

過去的事情就讓它過去吧,明天的事情等來了再說吧,最要緊的是做好今天的事情。 

要想過好今天,要學會做三件事。

第一是 "會關門"

把通往昨天的後門和通往明天的前門都關緊了,人一下子就輕鬆了。
第二是"會計算"

要學會計算幸福。

有的人本子上記的全是困難和問題,從來沒有記過幸福。

有些人對自己做對的事情一件也沒記住,對自己做錯的事情記得特別牢,徒增了許多煩惱。 
第三是"會放棄"

請牢記:"先捨後得,捨了才會得,捨了一定會得"

學會說三句話
第一句話:"算了。

"錢包被偷了,算了;電視機燒壞了,算了;骨頭摔斷了,算了;眼睛瞎了,算了。

對於既成  事實,最好的辦法就是接受。 
第二句話:" 不要緊。

"不管發生什麼問題,一定要學會說"不要緊"

一生都要樂觀,天塌下來有高個子頂著。
第三句話:" 會過去的。

"有一句俗語" 天不會總是陰的。"別憂愁,一切都會過去的。
學會三種方法
三樂法。

就是助人為樂知足常樂自得其樂
三不要法。

一是不要拿別人的錯誤來懲罰自己,二是不要拿自己的錯誤懲罰別人,三是不要拿自己的錯誤懲罰自己 
年齡減十法。

舉例來說,假如你今年 78歲了,當別人問你多大年紀時,你應該回答:我今年 6 8歲。

不要小看這種方法,它有明顯的煥發青春的功效。

 心態年輕,人自然會顯得年輕

如何粉碎你內在的限制與負面小聲音


如何粉碎你內在的限制與負面小聲音
如何粉碎你內在的限制,體會無限潛能的內在狀態!
問問自己……
*不安全感.焦慮.擔心
*懷疑.不相信自己
*罪惡感
*憤怒
*感覺人生一點都不自由
 努力學習想要得到順流、喜悅、成就一切
為什麼? 
千辛萬苦,事情仍然沒有改變? 
總是像上教堂一樣,一出教堂就被打回原型? 原因在哪裡? 今生或前世? 上個世紀?
即使你處理過去又能解決現在的什麼呢?
問題是……你再用什麼狀態解決現在的問題?
 愛因斯坦:「我們無法用製造問題時的同一水平思維,來解決問題!」
就好像拿著起火的毛毯滅火一樣
 成為順流人生的心靈戰士
豐盛心靈力量的人
知道自己不必用任何方式,對任何人、或為了任何事情妥協,就能過著滿足、自信和安穩的生活!
 二、活出順流奇蹟的7個靈性練習
1. 不要為了解決現有的問題而頻頻回顧過去
2. 拒絕任何你不敢拒絕的人或事
3. 絕不要害怕被別人誤會
4. 記得:當你為自己做辯護時,其實損害了自己從恐懼解脫的權利
5.當你要和他人爭論時,請設法體認對方其實和你一樣難受
6. 遇到困難時,絕不把你可能會有的負面反應當成唯一可以解決的方法
7.記得,你所抗拒的每一件事物,會因為你花太多心思抗拒而變得更加沉重,學會接受的方法

三、寬恕的療癒力量
那些年,沒有放下的事….
困住自己的柵欄
有些人,會將過去的傷害,一直留在心中,不時地重複播放。
就好像迴圈一樣,反複播放。 也好像柵欄一樣,困住內在的自己。

寬恕冥想一步驟
1. 評分準備, 先用321冥想進入深層冥想狀態
2. 想像一位過去曾經傷害你的人
3. 提醒該提醒自己的
4. 想像他在你面前,不斷地大聲說:「我要寬恕的人是………, 我原諒你」
5. 想像他告訴你:「謝謝你,我現在讓你自由」
6. 接著重複告訴自己:「我原諒我自己。」

4個做寬恕練習時的提醒
◇理解寬恕的好處,遇到負面情緒的好處
◇提醒自己可以不用一直待在負面的狀態中
◇提醒自己,既然他發生在內在,我們就有能力去處理
◇接受這些過去的事情已經過去,釋放他,寬恕他,讓自己能夠邁向未來

接收美好冥想一步驟
1. 想像一個舞台
2. 想像舞台上,曾經傷害你的人
3. 想像他接收到所有他生命中所想要接收的
4. 把角色換成你,再做一遍

感受即使過去不改變,現在仍能處在順流狀態的感覺!
你人生真正想要的感覺是什麼?
平靜. 喜悅.自由.成就.貢獻.成長.放下 . . .
在什麼狀態下,你才能擁有這些?
今天的練習是粉碎內在限制,創造順流奇蹟的基礎
 四、順流狀態的進階練習
這帶出一個不容易相信的事實…..
 療癒你內在的提問
1.不要老問自己為什麼事情非弄得這樣或那樣演變不可,請問自己:「為什麼我總是讓外在的情況來決定我的感受?
2.不要老問自己在遇到困難情境時候該如何保護自己,請問自己:「我的內在友什麼總是需要被保護?
3.不要老問自己明天或下一分鐘該怎麼辦,請問自己:「焦慮或擔心可以帶來智慧嗎?
困擾你的那些問題其實根本都不存在!

安全感是一輩子的練習


一直以來,很多人深受安全感困擾, 也為自己沒有安全感這件事感到自責。安全感往往是藉由與親近的人相處,一次又一次的經驗累積而來的一種對人和對世界的相信。
其實,從我們呱呱墜地那一刻起,世界就不再安全了。我們在母親的子宮裡既溫暖又安全,但子宮之外的世界卻充滿了各種可能的危險。因此,嬰兒表現出的姿態相當可愛,讓照顧者願意花時間陪伴、撫育。
嬰兒大部分的
安全感都來自於主要的照顧者,所以當他感受到照顧者離開身邊,便會哭鬧。
不過,當然有些個別差異,有的孩子一定要特定的照顧者才能被安撫;而有的孩子則是有其他人出現,就能稍微安定下來。也就是因為如此,孩子獨特的氣質也會影響照顧者對待的方式。總是需要特定照顧者安撫、陪伴的孩子,其照顧者就需要特別有耐心
從幼孩時期被照顧的品質,可以看出我們小時候是否覺得安全。當孩子哭泣時,往往是在說:「我不舒服了」,若照顧的人可以給予需求上的滿足和安撫,長期下來,孩子會感受到這個世界是安全的,也可以相信只要自己有表達出來,外部就會給予回應。因為,安全感的回路在內心裡已經建構出來了。
反觀,當孩子哭泣時,照顧者如果是採取忽視或放任的姿態,讓孩子哭得聲嘶力竭到自然停止,孩子便會感受到:這個世界並不安全,也沒有人愛我、照顧我;而孩子要是遇到照顧者對自己的反應為不耐煩或指責時,則會感覺自己是經常帶給他人麻煩的人物,在關係相處上感到焦慮不安
小時候,我們自然而然得到大人的照顧,但隨著長大的過程,照顧減少了,我們被要求學著獨立,在我們失去與他人緊密連結的時候,不安全感還是會被放大
獨立與依賴的掙扎上,而媽媽因為孩子的害怕感到焦慮,也盡可能花時間陪伴孩子。但是,不管媽媽如何努力陪伴,孩子都會面臨到一個人的時間。當父母過度保護和擔憂孩子,也會讓孩子失去自我照顧和支持的學習機會。孩子會相信,自己處於脆弱無助的狀態,便更加依賴父母。
孩子很容易內化父母的聲音和教養,因此安全感的建立,如果是透過父母的教養來傳達,會是更快速且有效的方法父母可以告訴孩子自己在時間上的有限性,並教會孩子獨處,可以讓孩子強化對自己的安全感,也提升孩子對周遭人事物的同理心。
除了學會安撫孩子之外,更鼓勵孩子練習獨立,並給予自身安全感。他告訴孩子:「無論是看書或出去玩,媽媽有時間都會盡量陪著你。但媽媽有時候不會一直在你身邊。當不在時,你可能會覺得很孤單、很害怕,那我們一起想想看,一個人的時候我們可以怎麼做?找一本書陪你?用畫畫的方式畫出你的心情?還是,跟小熊對話,跟它說你的心情呢?」
在不久,孩子便在心中想著母親的話語,自己一個人時,學著去運用所教導的方式,也懂得如何陪伴與安撫自己。漸漸地,他害怕的情況改善許多。
當你一個人的時候,可以為自己做些什麼?當你感覺孤單或不安的時候,你可以怎麼做?
有時候,那種不安是因為不相信自己可以照顧好自己,一定需要有另一個人來安撫自己,或者幫自己轉移注意力,才覺得不安感降低了。
所以當你發現,你常常做什麼事情都要徵詢旁人的意見;當你覺得不安時,非要找到人陪你說話不可;當你找不到人,會全身無力、陷入憂鬱時,那就要回過頭來問問自己:你給了自己多少安全感?
其實,我們太常向外尋找答案,卻往往忘了在我們心中都有一把鑰匙,開啟通往答案的門。
世界上沒有任何一個人可以給你完整的安全感,因為沒有任何一個人有辦法全天候、全年無休地陪伴在你身旁,因此你必須要面對自己。
小時候,渴望父母給我們安全感。而長大後,我們則渴望在親密關係中的伴侶可以給我們安全感。有時,當我們內心的不安與焦慮升起,會渴望找回像小時候大人所給予我們的陪伴照顧那種安心感。而由於被不安全感驅使,或者為了逃避不安全感停留在自己身上,有太多人無時無刻透過控制伴侶,來得到慰藉。
當伴侶一個不留意已讀不回,就好比災難發生似的,焦急得如熱鍋上的螞蟻,使對方需要耗盡心力來安撫或給予愛的保證……如此一次又一次,令我們在愛裡陷入痛苦的迴圈,對愛感覺失望,甚至感覺自己不被愛,伴侶也因為這樣深感挫敗。
 就讓我們開始練習吧!
為自己帶來安全感的同時,也能為你的周遭帶來安全與信任的氛圍,更造就你在親密關係中有更深度的連結。
從現在起,當你感到不安時,就開始與不安對話吧!如果那股不安就快要淹沒自己了,感覺快要窒息了,就讓它流動吧!透過感受與呼吸,去與更深層的自己相遇。你會完好如初,甚至,會感受到自己的勇敢與力量
記住,安全感是練習來的,是一次次與自己的對話,一次次與感受接觸累積而來的。當你的伴侶不再需要扛起給予你「十分」安全感的責任時,他便會感到輕鬆自在。而你們,也能在愛裡有更深刻的成長了。